Of bullies and bullying

Trigger warning: mention of bullying, sexual assault

Growing up as a privileged, sheltered kid in small-town India, my teenage years were pretty easy, so to speak. I went to arguably the best school in my city, which as a matter of fact, is catholic. It was tough adjusting and settling but I did it all and before I knew, I had fit in very well. Just after a year, I became a member of the school parliament through popular support and was anything but a loner. I wouldn’t say I was the coolest kid in my class. In fact, I tried to tag along with “cooler” people for the whole of my 8th and 9th grade. I thought a few of my seniors were much cooler than I was and in order to be as “cool” as them, I traded my self-esteem and individuality for fleeting moments of limelight. It was terrible but I am also glad it happened for it absorbed the rose-tint from my glasses and by 10th grade, I had realized that coolness is subjective and all the people I considered cool were barely cool. What most people and I thought made them cool should have in fact made them problematic but alas, our mutual and universal conditioning! 

If you’ve ever watched a guilty pleasure American teen rom-com, you will be familiar with the concept of bullying which most desi parents would consider “necessary” in order for their kids to become strong and ready for life’s challenges. I wonder how throwing your kid down in a deep ditch is a necessary step to make their bones and body stronger. I wonder how reduced self-confidence makes one ready for the challenges that life throws at them. 

Like every other Indian kid, I was bullied too. I am not the most muscular guy and it has taken me a lot to be this long-haired dude who talks about feminism and woke politics and the absurdity of gender on Instagram and in real life. I would be lying if I said that the bullying that was inflicted upon me didn’t affect me. I was once brutally trolled and bullied for posting a "feminine" picture on Instagram. Apparently, girls thought that it was inferior or demeaning for me to have femininity, something they possessed much more than me. I wonder if it’s internalized misogyny or just the irresistible need to mock and oppress any kind of individuality. It was horrible having to see the same people being advocates against bullying, body-shaming and gender stereotypes in a clearly hypocritical Instagram reel made for some hypocritical college club page that was being shared widely. So, on account of not being the meek 14-year-old kid I was anymore, I called them out. That reel should not have existed. It’s like a rapist speaking on a panel about women’s safety, insensitive and fundamentally heinous.

I am a firm believer that people evolve over time and it’s important to allow them to rectify their mistakes. But, in a very predictable way, the bullies made themselves the victims and wasted much more time in justifying their actions than it would take to simply apologize. Apparently, it turns out that all the “once a bully, always a bully” people have their reasons.